fake plastic trees

Why are some people so insensitive that they potentially hurt another person out of necessity? I believe they are my friends who neither knew nor care about how we feel. I believe they are my friends who seem to enjoy concealing their feelings that eventually breed inside their system. I believe they are my friends who talk behind our backs inflicting other persons who are not involved. I believe they are my friends who are weak and pathetic and scared to own up that they are breaking our faces behind our backs.

Backstabbing would be the most horrible thing that a person could do. They talk behind our backs because they’re too gay for a confrontation like a real guy would normally do. They’re too gay to settle in their circle of rotten morals chatting like little girls. Do they satisfy themselves feeding their decayed mind with hatred and malice?

I know was a little offensive. I know I was wrong. I know I was insensible. I know I was playing with my immaturity and insensitivity. I understand that the guy has a point. But it was so shallow that anyone I asked about it would laugh. It was so shallow that anyone would roll their eyes and question its odiousness. It was so shallow that I’m hesitating to say any regretful explanations.

It's fuck! I’m so pissed right now. I can’t still find the right word to describe my situation but I feel so detached. Every minute in school turns out to be an hour. It seems like everyone is so fucked and cold like I’ve intentionally rubbed the wrong way. Why do you do this? Can’t you be a little MAN-lier than you are now and face me with whatever shits you’re saying behind my back? We can deal with this shit and settle our difference physically. It’s up to you.

manny.. more money

It was last Saturday night (sunday morning here) that the Filipinos devoured the Mexicans with its humble success in the boxing ring. Pacquiao cemented his world dominance as an ultimate boxer, so what’s next for pacman? He has done singing, product endorsing, TV guesting, film? politics? Oh no.. not politics. We had as much as necessary of movie stars and athletes in the political world and please hold that thought. It appears that it’s no doubt that he has an extensive number of interests besides boxing.

Three rounds?? It seemed like Manny Pacquiao did not waste his time. It was a sudden phenomenal disclosure flaring his stunning skill in an entertaining three-round match against Erik Morales. I never thought it would be like this. I bet for a knockout on the 6th round and fuck I lost. From the moment Erik Morales shook his head at the corner, I knew it was over. It was a game well fought and fuck that was short.

aqualung-ing

It all started with yahoo music. I was listening one day when the track strange and beautiful played. From that, my inclination for Aqualung's music began. I've been listening non-stop, listening like this is the only record I have. His music has a compositional and symphonic fusion of style which reminds me that much of radiohead with a reminiscence of coldplay. He has this weak sounding vocals but he evocatively plays it through a keyboard-based drama.

Aqualung's songs are widely melancholy supported by his brooding vocals. Most songs seem to sympathize emotional storytelling without injecting much on depression. I've downloaded a few tracks and it was simply a comforting experience. His music is overwhelmingly smooth and extraordinary.

clutter head

I feel like I’m on the age of doing the right decisions and being able to make healthy choices. I’m not yet ready for this kind of maturity. I’m conscious that I’m too old to fool myself doing stupid things. But I don’t like to force myself in something I’m not comfortable. I’d be happier in creating my own paths and break out of the constraints of growing up. I still want to live my life in spontaneity and have reckless fun.

Last Saturday I thought of getting drunk. I miss escaping from the world of rules and responsibility. Every sip of alcohol that goes through my system seems to carry an amount of hesitation. But as I grab another beer, I told myself how I fuckingly deserve this! I was savoring each second like even every slurring of my friends would be funny. I remembered being idiotic, sleazy, tactless and absurd. Then as soon as I realized that I was crossing the line, I stopped. The amount of alcohol down in my system started reacting. I was already tipsy. I decided to refresh and clear my head.

Getting drunk was a choice I made and I’m not sure if it’s the right (mature) thing. I don’t know what was wrong and what my head was up to. I stopped because I felt like it was something stupid. I was smoothing things up when I stopped. I was thinking. I controlled myself in drinking from that moment. I made the right decision. I did not pass out or throw up. I think I’m ready for this kind of maturity. Oh wait, maybe not. I still want to have slack-like fun. I still want to live each day with the spontaneity of drifting. I want to float towards maturity with a memorable voyage.

salad brawl

Everyone seems to be sucking in the fact that we’re in two years from finishing our major. Somehow I still doubt myself and that’s why I end up thinking too much. I tend to question myself like why do I act like this on this situation and I keep on agonizing on the simplest things. I may have screwed up a lot of things in three years but there’s always been a realization in the end.

I live a lavish time of recalling, reflecting at my past and torturing myself on the anguish and brooding radical nature. Why do I look forward on bringing these doubts to an end? Every night has been a recollection of the conversational wrestle that I do with myself. I go through the voices that highlight the most distressing brawl with people. It seems like every trapped sore and insecurities causing me, emerged from a simple seed of doubt. It seems like all the uncertainties that I keep has been growing in me every minute.

I breathe on the upsetting things which are supposedly my personal failures. It’s not easy to fend it off my head. I need to wrap my doubts with gratification. But before all these, I need to define what my doubtful head is actually telling me... I’m not even really sure.

chasing cars

Sooner or later roads in Metro Manila are going to be like these vast parking lots. It is an inescapable boiling pain in the butt like you just want to pull over and walk your way home. But you can’t!! Traffic reminds us how ineffective we are in some situations. Every one is stuck, trapped and caught on this long congested highway. One sick thing is that owning a car seems to be part of our culture. And it is contributing to the growing volume of vehicles on roads everyday.

I realized that our daily routines are most likely dictated by traffic. Most of us think that we have to get up terribly early to avoid the jam-packed roads, may it be on the way to school, work or on random road trips. Then we’ll leave either early or late at night when the volume of cars eases up. Consider the amount of time that we lose just to avoid these crammed roads.

An option in avoiding traffic jams would be commuting. But here in Manila, considering public transportation is not the best way to wander around unless you find it pleasurable bathing in your own sweat. And yet some people find comfort in commuting. Besides escaping from gas expenses and parking fees, there are alternative ways to get to school or work in cheap amounts. But even though public transportation here is less expensive; you would then be risking yourself on assholes who also find it cheap to invest in mugging commuters. So neither option is certainly safe.

Yesterday I witnessed all the hassles of public transportation. I did find my way home safe and yes I survived. I fondly experienced riding in this unusual motorized tricycle. This trike is different; it provides six seats for passengers compared to the usual 3. After the 20-minute tricycle ride, we took a jeep and you’ll be amazed on the driver’s skill. He hardly looks but can compute the exact change for 20 something passengers. And only in this ride, you’ll experience swerving from lane to lane and be dropped in the middle of the road.

Then we took the time saving MRT. For a few coins, we traced both ends of EDSA while staring at the dense crowd of traffic below. I recommend the train if you don’t mind your nose scrunched into someone else’s pits. Every rider seems gasping for air. I nearly fainted because someone was stealing my oxygen. It seemed like I was in a sleazy sauna. Everyone gave me a looked of disgust as my sweat runs through my drenched back and my pale face. Anyway, as we reached our destination, I grabbed on the handrails, balanced and stretched myself out of the sweat-drowning ride.

Then I suddenly woke up from the honking cars behind us. I dozed off from exhaustion. We moved for a few inches and still we’re stuck, trapped and caught in traffic along edsa.

freaky coaster

I was about to sit for dinner when suddenly a coaster toppled and fell from our kitchen counter. Windows were shut, no one was there, and yeah it was a little freaky. It has been an inherited practice to at least pay some time off during All Saints Day. The Government (or was it the church?) declared All Saints' Day as a holiday to visit memorial parks where in it should be done on All Souls' Day right? Anyway, every first of November we visit our departed folks in honor of both respect and on a tradition. It's an element of a time-honored culture that we grew up with.

As I was nearly to take my dinner, my mom told me to get up early tomorrow. We’ll be leaving tomorrow morning roughly around 7 because parking will be horrible. And I just gave her a saddened why? Then that strange coaster incident happened. My sister gave me this look and yeah I was scared and guilty for how I sounded. I said why? not like: Why do we have to go? But why, as in: why 7am? that early? It was an honest misinterpretation I understand, I clearly sounded rude and disappointing.

We'll be visiting my mom's aunt, she passed away 7 or 8 years ago. She really took care of us, like from my mom's generation to my generation. She's nice, sweet and very humble. She has remained single beyond what they say the age of marrying. We were her family, she lived with us since forever and yeah she left a bunch of memories. She remained patient and sweet though I've been a spoiled self-centered kid.

Anyway in case you got some wi-fi services up there, I am sincerely sorry for how I sounded during dinner. Thanks for the direct response on the coaster. Your toppling skill is superb and take care, have fun there and Happy Halloween!