epic of ondoy

Brothers and sisters, today we made history. Our generation broke the record for the highest 24-hour rainfall in Metro Manila in a span of six hours. Mother nature is finally taking her revenge through Ondoy. Ah shit.. if humans are assholes, Ondoy, you're the biggest motherhumper and the godfather of all assholes. This isn't funny. Tomorrow we shall cut trees and plug in all our electronics. Fuck you Ondoy. Enjoy your weekend everyone.

shark you!

Today NGC had a story about a giant fish being caught. It was a huge sonuvabitch shark. I was watching as the shark was hauled up from the water with a bunch of rope in front of an adoring crowd. All I could think of is if I were a shark I would EAT MORE PEOPLE.

YES. Humans are assholes. You don’t see a bunch of sharks cheering when a limb of a surfer is bitten off. Sharks don’t make a big deal about it they just chomp and leave. I really felt bad for that shark. She looked so hurt and sad. She’s not a monster, she’s just a fish. All she was doing was being a shark and having lunch.

To all of you cheering the murder of this glorious fish be scared, payback's a hellamotherfucker. I’d stay out of the water if I were you. I heard they are expanding to the shore. This shark’s asskickin family is waiting for you. They want to eat your legs and arms and face leaving you a faceless human meat for other idiots to point and laugh at.

The shark would leave your ears so you could hear all the laughter at your expense. And probably save your right eye as well to see the flashes of feasting photographers to sell your shot in a magazine. Doubt it? Well, there's a reason sharks have been around for millions of years and will be around longer than our asses. They’re smart and cunning and they don’t need a crowd of cheering idiots to do some shark damage.

lesbotainment

I’ve come to realize that some girls don’t hold their alcohol well. Well, some do – but most don’t and these girls were in the "don’t" category.

For whatever reason writing here has become low on the priority scale. I have hated sitting infront of my computer this week. I've just spent more time hanging out with actual people. On a good note I saw two chicas making out this week. The other one was cute, but bitchy-looking and the other was relatively hot. Anypoop the night started something like this:

I was in Katipunan for what seems like a tradition. There was a UFC match on TV that no one seems interested in. I started drinking alone while watching the place gets crowded early and my friends were still trying to make their way through the shitty weather to get there from work. So I was forced to keep myself entertained with the constant head turns and flow of beers into my system. That is until these seemingly cute girls in soccer team uniforms who are at this bar quite often started rushing their umpteenth beers.

All of a sudden the flirting amongst themselves begins. I’ve caught them openly making out at their table just like the Katy Perry song. So I promptly sign to my beer buddies who just arrived so we all can get a good laugh out of it. But it turns out that all of a sudden everyone in the pub's trying to see where this is going to go. Well nothing makes up for bad tv like two drunk chicas making out.

We keep cheering them to ourselves to keep on drinking so that the night can be a good one. I knew everyone in the pub was picturing these two girls making out and somehow an illogical idea that they would somehow be part of a threesome. Every guy was wishing, praying, hoping and believing for a touchdown.

Me and my friends have stick it out for a long time. But nothing had happened when we had to leave the bar. Sadly, the night was just meant to be a one big tease filled with the hopes of desperate guys. It was quite the bummer.

potty mouth

I am happy at the amount of traffic I get on this site. Some of you are my friends, who I believe are forced, a lot of you are strangers and a lot of you are probably just curious little internet apes. But what is more surprising to me is the funny R rating I got for this blog. Likewise, looking at the statistics and words used in order to rate this page is weirdly amusing.

So how did I bring this R rating upon myself? "This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words: *poop(4x) *bitch(3x) * ass(2x) * death(1x)"

So may I ask you, does this blog really contains very strong language? I mean, pooop? really?? I don’t think I have mentioned poop and ass in a long time, yet that’s how I got a hardcore R for this blog. These words brought a bloody red censorship to my sweet little youthful site. I am honestly not sure how I feel about all this R-rating but it is what it is and it is proof that I am a dirty bastard (at times). So kids if you're under 18, you might need parental permission before.... oh fuck it.

Just another thought, what if I double the use of these words, what rating could I knocked myself into?

phlegm donor

It's confirmed. I'm a carrier monkey. A goober. A germ donor. A mucus faucet. A phlegm hocker. I am ill. I am really ill. Like for real. And it's just lovely being home. Maybe it's the weather. So I'll be spending the day on the sofa, in my ass kicking bachelor PJs, watching a lot of comedy teenpic DVDs and drinking more lemony juice.

The DVDs I have lined up for today's viewing are Ferris Bueller's Day off, Risky Business, Back to the Future, and Bring It On (well there's just nothing better than watching prepubescent girls jumping around in cheerleading outfits), and currently making my way streaming the US Open as I type this so again, apologies if I get confused at any point while blogging.

My brain is 90% phlegm so zero interesting thoughts shall happen today. Likewise, I'd rather leave the blog here. Roll on soon.. need to get more kleenex.

hey, i'm high

Back off grammar crits. Bad grammar really drives me nuts but I'm high on paracetamol and lemony drinks so laugh at my embarassing mistakes and ignore what you can't correct.

I am ill. Like really really. I feel hammered today after my three hour drive home last night. No wonder regular long drivers are always such miserable basterds. A three hour drive is bloody long. It felt like I had absolutely nowhere to go of any interest. I think I'm pretty lucky I don't have to do this every single day or I might just die. There is something about monotonous driving for hours that completely wears you out.

Techically you are sitting down, and I don't usually get tired from sitting down. Unless I've eaten embarrassing amounts, then I can get tired doing anything. Except sleeping. Although I have on occassion slept so much that when I wake up I'm still tired. That always leaves thinking as to what to do, because I want more sleep but if I have more sleep then I'll feel like I need more sleep. Crazy huh? But it does make a lot of sense.